The end of a marriage does not mean the end of kindness, concern or respect. By choosing mediation over the traditional adversarial approach to divorce you are not only making a commitment to your needs, but a commitment to your family's needs as well.
I truly believe that I can help you and your spouse navigate through the emotions you are experiencing in your lives right now. I stress that you need the same kindness and intention entering into your divorce as you did entering into your marriage. I understand that there is a lot of anger, frustration, resentment, sadness and loss that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. I address and respect each of your concerns while working to create a positive future going forward.
If you are ready to embark on your path toward divorce, I am here to work with you to achieve an outcome that is equitable and healing.
Educating While Mediating
I employ two different mediation styles when I am working with you. As a retired attorney, I continue to be evaluative: I assist you in your choices by explaining how the legal system would approach the decisions you have made.
The mediator in me is your compassionate facilitator: I ask you questions, normalize your answers, reword your dialog so that you can really "hear" each other's opinions, help you find common ground and enable you to work together through this process.
By merging these two approaches I am able to lead you down the path but not write your story for you. My goal is to give you the tools you need - information and knowledge and understanding - so that you are aware of the ramifications of your choices and so that you in charge of the outcome of the mediation.
Ending Your Marriage While Caring For Your Children
When you have children, my approach to your mediation is very child-focused. The intention is to sustain your family; despite the fact that you are deciding to end your marriage, you are both still parents to these children that you have together. The goal is to keep that fact at the forefront of your mind, to keep your children feeling grounded, and to create a situation where they do not have to handle their parents' issues.
Your mediation is not just about ending your marriage, it is about creating a new, healthy relationship going forward as you continue to parent your children, together.
Addressing Your Emotions While Mediating Your Divorce
Though I am adamant that emotional battles should not be played out through the legal system, I strive to address the emotional aspect of divorce and respect the individual struggles that each of you face.
This process helps you, and it also helps me, as the more I understand the struggles you each face, the better I can lead a mediation that works for both of you within the dynamic of your current relationship.
Thus, an interesting balance exists in the mediation as the structures we create together through the mediation process and the resulting document that serves as your Marital Settlement Agreement, are negotiated clearly and not through anger, fear or retributions. While I ask that you constantly acknowledge how each of you handles this very stressful time, we also take the time to honor your emotions. The result is an Agreement that is long-lasting.
Ending Your Marriage While Respecting Older Children
On occasion, I have brought teenage and adult children into the mediation process. The responsibility of holding a family together does not just rest on the shoulders of the parents. Children are active members of a family and teenage/adult children are mature enough and are also responsible for maintaining authentic relationships with each parent.